We spend a lot of time cultivating relationships in business. And it is a well-documented fact that once you have an established relationship--whether a network contact or customer--that your best referrals for new business come from these “fans.” Yet, asking for referrals from those we know well, or have worked closely with, is often the most difficult thing to do.

Why is it hard? Because it’s “not in our nature.” Because we feel “they are too good of a friend, I don’t want to impose.” Because “they paid me for the work I did, I don’t feel I have the right to ask for anything else.” Because “it makes me feel I’m being pushy.”

The best way to ask for a referral is to be prepared to do it. And in order to be prepared, you should take a few simple steps to think about when you will do it, how you will get comfortable with the idea, how you will ask, and what you will do once you get the referral.

1. Evaluate your audience.
Are they really sold on you? Have you established your value? Do they understand what you do? Have you positioned yourself, your services and your right to have a relationship with the client or referral source? Have they given you the “high sign” that it’s ok to ask? For example, signs to look for:

· “I really appreciate the work you’ve done.”

· “Others should know how great this is!”

· “I wish I’d done this a long time ago.”

· “We are so happy with the way things went.” Or “we are so happy with the way things turned out.”

· “I think what you do is just great. I’d like to know more about your business.”

2. Consider the occasion.
Timing is important. The best time to ask for a referral from a customer could depend on the quality of the relationship that you have built with your customer. One good time to ask for a referral is right after the sale is closed and your product and service is being delivered or installed. 

But perhaps the best time to ask a customer or client for a referral is after the product or service has been successfully implemented. This is also the prime time to ask for a written testimonial to use as a sales tool. 

If it’s a referral source, I will just say: never ask before you have established your value and have offered something of value to your new referral relationship. Remember to put favors on deposit in the “bank account” of your reciprocal relationship before you make withdrawals!

3. Determine the length and purpose of the meeting and your approach.
People are busy. How long do you anticipate the meeting will take? What is the purpose for the meeting where you will ask for a referral? How do you plan to approach your “ask?” It is best in person, no doubt, but if you plan to meet over the telephone be prepared to let the person know how long you will take, the purpose of your call and what you would like to happen by when.

4. Gather facts.
If it’s a client, what is the value of the work you did? If it is a network contact or referral source, what have you done for them lately? Where do you stand in your “balance sheet” on the Law of Reciprocity? Have you earned enough value in your business exchange relationship to be able to ask?

5. Make the script your own.
Nobody’s script will work for you. There are many different approaches and suggestions for asking for a referral. You have to find the one that works best for you and that seems most appropriate for the relationship you have and the style of the person you are asking.

Regardless of how you do it, the key points to convey are this:
a. Tell them you enjoy working with them.

b. Tell them you are interested in growing your business.

c. Ask them to describe the value of working with you or the benefit they or the company derived (if a client). Ask them to describe how they understand the benefit of your products or services (if a referral source).

d. Ask if they know of anyone else that would need or want similar benefits by working with you.

Let’s say it’s a client and you’ve just been wildly complimented about the work you’ve done for them. Here’s one way to respond:

"You know, that really makes me happy. One of the things that I enjoy about my work is discovering that what I have done has been helpful to people like you. You know, I would like my business to grow by working with more people like you. When you recommend me to others, I am very grateful."

Or, a more direct approach:

“That’s great! It’s so gratifying to know when I’ve really helped a company. Do you know someone else who might benefit from what we do?

Or, as Burt Bierman, CPA and partner of The Videre Group in New Jersey suggested recently:
“Is there anyone you’d like to introduce the firm to?”


Let’s say it’s a referral source and you’ve established the appropriate level of visibility and credibility with them. Here’s a way to ask:

“I see we have markets and networks in common. I’d like to keep you in mind as I’m out and about and would be happy to send you referrals. I’d of course love it when you also keep me in mind and call or email me with contacts you think could benefit from what we do.”

Or, as Ken Potalivo, coach to professionals and founder of Pro Growth, Inc. in Irvine, California, suggests:
“We can help one another grow our respective businesses. I’d like to meet with you on a regular basis to exchange potential referrals or leads and keep one another “top of mind” as we go about our networking and prospecting.”

There is nothing wrong with wanting your business to grow. It is the proverbial "American way." 

When you ask for a referral properly, it is important to remember that the person you are asking will not feel pressured, coerced, or manipulated in any way. In fact, many people will tell you they would be honored to oblige.

Sometimes the response is immediate: they may literally recommend that you call certain people right then. What’s even better, of course, is when they suggest that they call the person for you and offer the introduction. If a client can’t think of a person who may need your product at the moment, provide him or her with your marketing materials such as brochures, business cards with your complete contact information. Make it easy for them to refer you in the future.

I don't think the idea of asking for referrals is rude, however, the manner in which you approach referrals can make all the difference in the world. And, when someone offers you a referral, don’t forget to thank them! And let them know if their referral recommendation leads to you getting a new customer.